What is home?

 "You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.”

An homage to what I have learned and want to remember in Germany.

 

German beer is gooooood. 

Experiences are what matter. Checking places off a list or taking a photo in front of every attraction does not leave me fulfilled. Experiences are what matter.

When someone asks “How are you?” (Wie gehts dir?), the polite response is not “I’m fine, thank you”, but “Ah, I feel like sh*t” or whatever is actually on your mind. Germans think you are being false if you answer "good".

Girls' nights are a must. Girl trips are a must. Bingo is the shit.

Maybe not all rules are meant to be broken. The "to a fault, rule following" Germans have somehow managed to make rule following a new habit of mine... and more impressively... BILLY!

When you enter a restaurant, you sit yourself down. Try asking a waiter for a table and they’ll look at you as if you’re cray cray (unless it’s a very busy or touristy place).

Mullets are acceptable on Germans – on children, on old guys, even on people running for elections.

Germany's universal healthcare system makes my liberal bleeding heart so happy. ... as it did my wallet when I unexpectedly got pregnant while under American health insurance with a $13,500 deductible. 

Dogs are allowed everywhere – on the train, in restaurants, in the mall. German people love dogs (and babies, also everywhere). Note that Goose is not considered a dog in Germany. He is a German Eating Monster. German Eating Monsters (GEMs) are not allowed everywhere.

Almost every day, somewhere in Franconia, there’s a random festival going on or a nice farmer’s market where you can buy fresh produce.

Franconia and Bavaria are very, very different. This you must know.

German men are hot. They are. They are big; they dress well; they keep nice haircuts; even the dumb ones are ridiculously smart; they're athletic; they can drink a lot of beer. A whole lot.  (This will have to be deleted before I share it with my colleagues during my Abschied)

Similarly, German women have big boobs and a big butt. It's not fair.

If you go out to the villages, most people will struggle to speak English. It’s kind of nice…

“A beer a day keeps the doctor away”, eating massive chunks of meat makes you a stronger drinker, and a shot of Schnapps calms the stomach. Allegedly. (Also: German Schnapps is NOT what we think of in America.)

Beer is cheaper than water. Good beer. The best beer.

No matter how many times I look up at the Nuernberg castle or wander through the middle of Kraftshof at night, I continue to be amazed that I live here.

Politically incorrect jokes are okay here, and unfortunately racism is very much still alive.

Public transportation will never be as good as it is in Germany.

Brutal honesty really is the best policy.

Partying is for all ages. Also, dancing on tables. 

Visiting friends and family is important. Maybe the most important. Skip that weekend beach trip and visit a friend that recently moved or a cousin in another state.

Life in another country is always an adventure. Every action requires serious problem solving.

Every drink is carbonated.

It is possible to live without air conditioning.

To order a beer in a bar, you use your thumb to indicate “one” rather than your index finger (watch Inglorious Basterds)

Germans stare. I did not get used to this. I tried to use my competitive nature to my benefit... and yet they still stared me down.

A couple German facts that I really found interesting:

1. Munich is further north than any major US city (excluding Alaska).
2. German is the official language of 5 countries: Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Luxembourg and Liechtenstein. It is also spoken in Northern Italy and the French provinces of Alsace and Lorraine.
3. Germany is the first country to adopt Daylight Saving Time (DST) in 1916.
4. Germany borders 9 countries (Austria, France, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium, Luxemburg, Holland, Czech Republic, and Poland).
5. Hugo Boss designed the official uniforms for the Nazi Party and Hitler Youth.
6. The longest word published in the German language is Donaudampfschifffahrtselektrizitätenhauptbetriebswerkbauunterbeamtengesellschaft

When I am wearing a tank top on the first day of Spring, Germans are most likely wearing a down jacket.

Between German beer and German bread, I am not sure which one I will miss more.

Everything is closed on Sundays. ... and it actually resulted in a true day of rest and quality time with family and friends.

You must carry cash at all times. Credit cards are not accepted at 99% of places.

Despite the difficult language and lack of warm and fuzzy culture, Germany is utterly wonderful.

“I’m not sure what I’ll do, but—well, I want to go places and see people. I want my mind to grow. I want to live where things happen on a big scale.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Ice Palace and Other Stories

what the hell...

As a new parent... wait, scratch that... as a new FEMALE parent... an important change that MUST occur if you want to live fully in the moment with your new angel is to let go.

Let go of to do lists...
Let go of the desire to impress...
Let go of a competitive nature...
Let go of  keeping a picture perfect home...
Let go of the urge to compare yourself to others...
Let go of unrealistic clothing sizes...
Let go of nit picking...
Let go or you will miss so many important moments and you will always feel inadequate...

While I really desire to keep this blog going so that I can go back and relive such special memories, it has become something on my To Do List that never gets checked off. Therefore my plan is to start a twitter account to Atticus that documents in 40 characters or less ;) how I am feeling, things he has done or said, and just moments in general that I hope to remember. I really wish I would have done this when I got pregnant, but when a pregnancy is SOOOOOOO unexpected, it is hard to think of everything you want to do.

Anyway.... off to Twitterland I go...

(I do hope to have one post recognizing those who have made an impact on me and a post identifying the impacts Germany has made on me)

We GOT time

Once my Mom and Dad finally had Maggie and I off the budget and Seth well on his way to independence, they decided they wanted to fulfill their European dream in Sicily. They read books and listened to Italian language tapes. Unfortunately my Dad got sick soon after and they never made it over.

Therefore when my mom decided to make one last trip overseas to see us before we returned and Butch was unable to come, we decided to trek on down to Sicily to live the dream.

The plan was for us to go to the Western coast since it is supposed to be a bit more rugged and off the beaten path. We flew into Palermo and then drove to our country home in between the Zingaro Natural Reserve, Scopello, and Costellammare del Golfo.

From the beginning we had no real expectations and with every question, we responded "WE GOT TIME"!...

Our schedule was a follows:
Day 1: Drive to Frankfurt, pick up Mom, lunch at Apple Wine place in Frankfurt, fly to Palermo
Day 2: Breakfast in Scopello (amazing cappucino and sandwich!), market shopping, met guy from Brooklyn!, explore area, amazing pasta dinner at home
Day 3: Pick up Mom's luggage (lost!), lunch of fresh veggies and cheeses, go to Cous Cous festival in San Vito Capo (WOW jewelry)
Day 4: Palermo
Day 5: Segesto and Zingaro
Day 6: Scopello, beach, and Erice

Ouzo Olives Oia

To be updated with details...

Monday, July 29: drove to Munich, plane to Crete
Tuesday, July 30: great breakfast, ferry to Santorini, arrived at Maria's, dinner
Wednesday, July 31: relaxed by pool, hiked down to water for sunset
Thursday, August 1: more pool days
Friday, August 2: car rental, drove to black beach Perissa, dinner on beach
Saturday, August 3: car rental, drove to other side of island, fish dinner, amazing sunset on way home
Sunday, August 4: pool day, lunch at hotel restaurant, ferry to Crete, best dinner ever
Monday, August 5: explored Crete a little, flight back to Munich

Sechs Monate

I now understand why all of the writers and artists that I love so much are so internally tortured.

I used to be so inspired and could write for days…

What changed?

Happiness.

Six years ago I met Billy and in came happiness and out went creativity.

Ohh well. At least I can document experiences here, even if it is not inspired and beautiful.

So my baby… cliché, cliché, cliché. Yeah, clichés are all I can think to write.

“I love him more than life, than I could have ever imagined.”

“Everything else seems so unimportant now.”

“His smile lights up my world”

“Parenting is hard work, full of guilt, even if it is unwarranted guilt.”

6 month stats:

9200 g

72 cm

He is rolling everywhere, loves to stand up with the help of someone or the back of a couch, and army crawls around the floor to get to what he wants. He sits on his own and can go from sitting to army crawl on his own, but he cannot get back to the sitting position on his own. We are probably a week away from moving from the infant car seat to the next stage.

At our six month appointment, the doctor said that since I was only producing enough milk for 2-3 bottles a day that we should just drop the formula, breastfeed him morning and night and feed him regular food / sippy water cups all the time in between. We have tried this, but it is nearly impossible to fill him up without the extra milk. He eats so slow that it would take us 2 hours to fill him up. Hopefully we will get to this soon enough, but right now it isn’t working. Today I dropped the pumping at work though. I wasn’t producing enough milk except for one bottle anyway. It just wasn’t worth it. So 2 breastfeeds and 2 formula feeds per day… plus whatever food we are eating.

He started waking up 2x per night around 6.5 months. Up until then, he has been such a wonderful sleeper. He would go to sleep between 8 and 8:30 and wake up between 6:30 and 7 everyday. On Saturday and Sunday we would usually bring him into our bed when he woke up and he would go back to sleep with us for another hour or so. I think this waking up is a combination of teething and hunger. Hopefully we will get through this stage sooner rather than later. I cannot complain too much though… it definitely could be worse.

He smiles ALL THE TIME. I haven’t been around enough babies to know if this is a normal thing or not, but I just love it. Plus it makes me so so so proud to carry him around and hear Germans constantly stating “sehr freundlich”--- granted Germans would find American DMV workers friendly, but it still makes me proud.

Roooooooofied!

To be updated....

 May 8 - Flew into the US. Got my dress altered. Went to sleep.
May 9 - Up early. Panera, Target, Belk, Hair, Nails, dress
May 10 - Up early, drove to Wilmington, got peed on, Bridesmaids luncheon, Mom and Mags, Rehearsal, Rehearsal dinner
May 11 - PCJ, Bangz, Noland tan, bra, pictures, wedding, reception, hospitality suite, got peed on again
May 12 - Oak Island, Carolina Brewery
May 13 - Golf, Mom & Seth
May 14 - Zoo, Foothills
May 15 - To CLT, dinner at Crista and Rece's
May 16 - Dinner at Dish
May 17 - Golf, flight to MUC

Vier Monate

For my records...

May 7, 2013
65 cm - 25.59 inches
7450 g - 16 lbs 6.79 oz

Prior to our trip to the US for Spencer's wedding, Atticus was doing amazingly well. he was going to sleep between 8 and 9pm and waking between 6 and 7am. We felt really lucky for how easy he was for us.

After our trip, we have had a lot of trouble getting him to readjust to life in Germany. However, it has taught me a lot.

Things I have learned:
1. Crying is ok. I am not helping him by running to his every little noise. I need to leave him alone and let him discover how to entertain himself and how to put himself to sleep.
2. He needs to be left on his blanket on the floor so he can play with his hands, learn to roll on his own, and discover the world around him. I do not want to put him in his bouncer or swing if it can be avoided.
3. I do not care about developmental milestones anymore (unless he is way behind) or him being "ahead". I want him to discover everything on his own and I do not want to push him to "beat a date".
4. I want to create less stress for him. This means not traveling as much or putting him in too many environments where he may be stressed.
5. He is getting enough food. Even though my supply dipped after the wedding, he is getting enough and my supply has returned.

Lil Monster Update

Nothing exciting in this post... more for me to remember when my Attiboy gets older...

2 Day Appointment

We went to Cary Pediatrics in Apex. He had lost a little weight (7lb 4oz). My milk had just come in, so I didn't know anything to ask about breast-feeding. At this point he was struggling to sleep at night. We were up with him most of the night. I think he may have been too cold because he went right to sleep when we would put him in our bed.

He was born with a large "storch bite" on the back of his neck and also smalls ones on his right eyelid, forehead and nose. I hated it at first because I knew people were looking at it, but now I absolutely love the one on his forehead. I hope the one on his eye and nose go away. The doctor said they should go away by 18 months.

At this point I was scared to leave him alone at all. Billy had lots to do during the day, between running errands and helping with pole barn, so I just watched TV, fed the baby, and never set him down. 

2 Week Appointment

He had regained the weight, and some (7lb 12oz). He was the same length (21 in.).

They reassured us that his eye infection was just a blocked duct.

He had developed a schedule through the night (midnight, 3am, 6ish am, 9ish am) and went to sleep easily after being fed. He was pretty fussy from 3-5pm and I think in retrospect it was a combination of being a little cold and wanting more to eat. He would cluster feed often (eat 2-3 times in two hours and then not eat for 3-4 hours).

He was a crazy wiggly baby during this time - constantly moving and stretching in his sleep.

He LOVED windows and light and was very curious about everything around him.

The only way to calm him when he wasn't hungry was to put him tummy to tummy and sing or hum to him.

At this point I was having a really hard time burping him, I was concerned still about the storch bite on his eye, had questions about his chin quivering, and basically freaking out about everything.

I had finally regained my appetite after a short bout with the baby blues. BABY BLUES AINT NO JOKE! I boo-hooed to Seth singing a horrible karaoke rendition of Adele's Hometown Glory. I was never too worried about myself... I mean, I know myself and I knew I would be okay, but I think I scared my poor mom with my inability to go an hour without crying.

2 Month Appointment - 19 March
5200 g - 11 lbs 7.425 oz
58 cm - 22.83 in

Around the two month appointment, I was feeding him every 2-3 hours, and the doctor fussed at me that it was too much, so we slowly reduced it to every four hours.

He started smiling on purpose around two months and has been smiling a lot ever since. Especially in the mornings, he cannot make it through a feeding without laughing several times. I cannot make eye contact with him or he will stop eating and just smile and laugh.

He slept through the night for the first time on April 7, and has been pretty consistent since.

He still likes to move around and gets bored really, really easily. Walks results in a nap immediately. It became a little much, so we bought the Baby Bjorn babysitter, and he loves it. It makes me feel like I am being lazy sometimes by just putting him in it, but he loves to bounce. Usually when he is especially fussy, I can always calm him by standing up, putting him on my shoulder, and bouncing.

Everyone tells us he is really strong, but I do not have anything to compare him to, so I have no idea. He can do a "baby push up" and hold his head up, but it is still a bit unsteady. He HATES being on his tummy unless we are playing airplane or he is napping on Billy. 

3 Month Appointment
6700 g - 14 lbs 12.336 oz
63 cm - 24.8 in

Feedings and bedtime are pretty consistent. He wakes up around 6:30 or 7 ready to eat and then I empty the milk jugs just before I leave at 8. He eats again around 11 and 3, and then I feed him as soon as I get off work. I feed him once more around 9 or 10 and then he goes straight to bed. He usually talks a bit to himself in bed before falling asleep 10-20 minutes later. On rare occasion he cries while trying to go to sleep, but I walk in, give him a pacifier and rub his tummy. Then I leave and he goes to sleep shortly there after.

Pumping at work is going ok. I am not able to build up much of a stash, but if we ever need it, I do keep formula on hand since what I pump is eaten the next day.

Tuesdays I go to basketball so B has him the full day. Wednesdays Billy has practice. Fridays we both have practice, so I take Atti with me to practice and he has his first babysitter, Jessica, to watch him during that time.

He has JUST started paying attention to the books when I read them to him. He LOVES The Rainbow Fish that Manu gave him because it is so colorful.

He loves to talk and coo, and gets especially excited him I imitate him. He also really enjoys the baby mat + toys that the Tebbutts left with us. He doesn't like his swing and I think that is because there is a big bar over him that blocks his view.

As for weight loss, we are not going to discuss that :).

Atticus Adventures

I find it really hard to blog... not that I do not have time, because let's face it, if I can watch The Colbert Report and Girls every week, then I can certainly take 30 minutes to blog. The problem is that I just do not have any desire... however I know I would love to go back and read this one day, so I will try.

2013 HIGHLIGHTS

• NC State vs. Duke bball game LIVE
• Getting to watch college basketball for the first time in two years
• Returning to Germany with Atticus - he was wonderful on the plane, our neighbors welcomed us with gifts we will never forget (cute clothes... including an honorary hoodie for the motorcycle club and a "made in Franken" tshirt, hand crocheted blanket, gift card to BabyOne, The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister)
• Bingo Nights with the girls
• Frülingsfest with the Tebbutts before they returned to the US
• Little Luke Tebbutt's baptism
• First vacation with Atticus to Tuscany
• Return to work
• Chodovar Beer Spa
• Paris with the girls
• Basketball

TUSCANY

Day 1 - March 8
We drove from Nuremberg down to Lucca.
Visually stunning: nothing compares to driving through northern Italy
Financially stunning: the tolls along the way
Frighteningly stunning: trying to control a 115lb mastiff in the back of a car and breast-feed a baby while an innocent and friendly Italian decides he want to talk to you about italian weather in the rain
Refreshingly stunning: arriving at the most peaceful, artistically decorated, just plain gorgeous cabin in the middle of Italy and realizing you get to stay here for a week

Day 2 - March 9
Found a great market for produce and cheese, explored medieval Lucca, made up our own sign language to order items from the cheese store and deli, had an amazing amazing amazing dinner at a local spot recommended by the landlord.

Day 3 - March 10
Relaxed in our villa.

Day 4 - March 11
CINQUE TERRE - and wouldn't you know that torrential rains resulted in all the hiking paths closed. Had we been able to hike, I think that I would have absolutely love it. Unfortunately were were only able to visit the towns by train and I found it a bit overpriced and overtouristed. Highlight was definitely getting swarmed by Asians wanted to take pictures of Atticus.

Day 5 - March 12
Took off in search of the infamous Dario the Butcher. We found his deli and were treated to the most amazing meat dishes ever... BEEF SUSHI yall! Ventured on to Sienna... interesting, but without a formal tour guide, found it a bit boring. 

Day 6 - March 13
Relaxed in our villa. 

Day 7 - March 14
Took the train to Florence for an amazing atmosphere and over-priced everything. Would love to tour the city sometime without the little monster in tow. He was fantastic, but I have a new appreciation for seeing a city with a knowledgeable guide after Paris.

Day 8 - March 15
Drove home and enjoyed the views along the way.

CHODOVAR

On a recommendation from our friends we decided to check out the beer spa just over the Czech-German border and boy were we satisfied! After a night away with our boy, two full massages, two beer baths, and a big Czech meal, our wallets were still practically full and our bodies were relaxed.

According to the website, "Beer Baths are an original curative spa therapy combining remedial effects of warm mineral water, beer, ingredients for brewing beer, products of the brewing process and classical as well as special massages. The aim of the baths involves harmonizing functions of the organism, mental rest, recondition and relaxation. The procedures have curative effects on the complexion and hair, relieve muscle tension, warm up joints and support immune system of the organism. For better rejuvenating results I recommend to accompany the original beer treatment with a partial massage aimed at problematic body parts or a full body massage reducing muscle tension."

PARIS

During one tipsy bingo night with the girls, we decided it was time for another getaway to be planned. We wanted our darling Inge to join us, and the only place we could really get her to agree to was Paris... so off to Paris we went. My sweet friends did all of the planning, and they found an AMAZING apartment just down the street from the Lourve. To save money we drove and a friend of one of my friends agreed to let us use his parking spot for the weekend... this led to me pushing my 2 month old in his stroller and towing my bag through Paris after midnight... I couldn't help but be thankful there wasn't anyone around that could judge me. I also broke my "keep it real" communication style goal... the girls were helping me with Atticus's stuff and at times kind of struggling. Instead of asking, I just assumed they were getting annoyed with me and my crap, so I was just all "let me do it". It resulted in minor, minor, minor tension, but it could have all been avoided if I was more straight forward because I would have KNOWN they wanted to help instead of ASSUMED they were annoyed.

We walked and walked and walked. Anyone that knows me, knows that I LOVE to walk, so I was so thankful that these girls were game and soooooo helpful with Atticus.  We skipped Musee d'Orsay because of the line, but I really hope to return one day. We did catch the Catacombs (taking a baby through a 2k maze of bones underground may not be the best idea, but wth) and the best of off the beaten path. We enjoyed an AMAZING lunch with FABULOUS decor the first day ... the beef tartare was the best I have ever had.

I will never forget the breakfast beer, the Joan of Arc statue, breast feeding under the Eifel, the guy with the soccer ball at the Sacre Couer, die Inge DRIVING around the Arc de Triomphe, the priest singing in the Notre Dame, getting to know Brandi, and having Inge get annoyed with me because I only wanted to drive the straight drive on flat, open ground.... :)