Not at all.
Was it me? [the problem]
Probably.
Was it me? [the resort]
Definitely not.
Everyone was in heaven.
I was confused that I didn't feel the joy.
My whole idea and expectation flew out the window.
I had prepared to remain positive and make it for me despite the obvious.
I was not able to do so.
No one would have understood a word had I tried to explain.
She's pregnant.
She's Debbie Downer.
She should be this and she should be that.
Yes, I am pregnant. No, I cannot do all the things I once imagined.
My intention was to:
Go scuba diving.
Sip alcohol filled cocktails.
Jump off of cliffs.
Try random foods (unprocessed and unpasteurized) foods on the side of the road.
Feel positively about myself.
Maintain a positive attitude.
Go water skiing.
Do not let being told what to do and given a schedule to arrive somewhere too early bother me.
Do not let really loud voices bother me.
Be kind.
It did not happen that way.
I had forgotten that most people that go to all-inclusive resorts were there for a reason. They enjoy them. It is their ideal vacation. They do not mind paying for shitty food or skipping the already paid for shitty food and going out somewhere else. Off the beaten path is not their thing. They are there to unwind, relax, take it easy. AND THAT IS OKAY and THAT IS GOOD. It is only different.
I don't pay for things I don't use.
I don't relax.
I need to be active.
I need an unsterilized view.
I need to see the real part of a country.
Over the previous week, I had researched the internet and my own memory banks, to come up with a plan to see the true identity of Cyprus. I had highlighted and researched and eliminated and highlighted more and researched more, over and over until I was satisfied. I knew from this plan that no matter what this resort was like, I could make this vacation my own.
It was more difficult than I thought.
I didn't want to take away from Billy's vacation.
I felt bad leaving the group.
I kept putting my plans off - I just knew the next day would be better. I would be FUN and positive and the group would forgive my shitty attitude. I would forget that I hated resorts. I would forget that I had spent an inabsorbant amount of money on a place I did not want to be. I would forget the things I couldn't do. I would focus on the people I was with and the warm weather and the blue blue water.
But then we went fishing...
I met Agas. He was real Cyprus. We didn't catch anything but I enjoyed his stories, views on the middle east, and his pork and humami sandwich more than anything thus far.
Billy knew I was unhappy. He only desired to make me happy. I am spoiled. He told me we must take a day to truly see Cyprus.
As a result, an already pared down version of my original plan had to be edited further to make it one day... but it didn't matter to me. I was so satisfied. I was so excited.
We found the deserted white rock beach and got naked. We saw Aphrodite's rock. We traveled to the west coast and the small fishing villages. We swam in the Baths of Adonis. We went off road. We saw real people. We sang. We loved.
I learned:
1. No matter what, I must remain positive and kind, despite my nature to be exactly as I feel.
2. I will always attempt to see the authentic parts of a country, if only for a day.
3. I will never do a resort/all-inclusive again.
4. My husband loves me more than I know.
5. My personality needs a lot of improvement.
Next time, I will do it differently.
This time I will be ready.
This time I will make a point of reaching out to connect.
This time I will be kind.
Will I be able to do it?
Will I strengthen my soul?
I hope so.
off the beaten path white beach
baths of adonis
boat cruise
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